I have a thing for taking notes. I am a notebook hauling kind of person; the kind of person who keeps a notepad in the compartment of my driver door in the car and plenty of working pens in the console, ‘just in case’. I have never had a decent idea pop into my head at a convenient time. I am usually doing dishes, driving, or showering when my most provocative and interesting ideas travel through my brain. Truly, most often, I write notes to reference months and sometimes years later. Sometimes it doesn’t ever serve any purpose other than to look other times to add to something new. It’s a way of life.
Naturally, when I was reading through the book of Ephesians last week I began to jot down a few thoughts, and of course, as I read and contemplated and tried to picture Paul writing to the early churches in Ephesus, I almost always find parallels that support the message I am reading and modern-day, holistic recovery templates.
Thought I’d share some of my notes with you.
1. Spiritually dead.
Everyone defines this idea in a different way. When I think of my own spiritual death I think of how I was a shell of a human. I was alive, breathing, but not aware, present, or mindful. I can refer to my own crawl out of rock-bottom depleted, far removed from any connection with myself or others, without a sense of purpose or will to live. Lacking any kind of fruitful, abundant, overflowing signs of being alive. My spirit was black.
- Ephesians 2:1-As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins
- Ephesians 2:5- made us alive in Christ, even when we were dead in our transgressions-
2. Saved by Grace.
If I think back to how many times I tried to heal myself. How many attempts I made on my own to keep my shit together, and couldn’t make it through forty-eight hours before I was all the way back at square one again, defeated. Alone. Pissed. Ashamed. For years this is the game I played within. For me, there is no question as to what changed. What variable changed the time that my recovery truly began and I left my old life behind? I cried out to the Lord. With zero faith. No knowledge of Jesus. I came with nothing but desperation and intrigue. I sought out God and asked for help. The difference was I wasn’t doing things on my own, my way, within the confines of my flimsy, weak, limited power running on my own will-power.
- Ephesians 2:8- For it is by Grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast.
3. We all have a purpose.
If I felt anything at all newly sober, it was worthless. Broken. Ruined. Mostly, ashamed for who I had become and where I came from and for all of the choices I had made. I had so little confidence in myself, I believed I would never fit and never have a purpose. Learning that I, broken me, was God’s handiwork, and was created for a purpose, it made all the difference in the world to my heart. I have important work to do. So do you.
- Ephesians 2:10- For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
- Ephesians 4:11-12-So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastor, and teachers, to equip his people for works of service.
4. We belong. We are not alone.
Coming from a disconnected, dysfunctional family is a lonely feeling. It is hard to find a place to belong in a fragmented system. People are disloyal, there is no trust. No authentic bonding. No healthy dynamics. For myself, I chose to close the door to creating any relationships whatsoever. There is something about floating around aimlessly without having any real connections with other human beings that creates an unmistakable feeling of emptiness. The longer you sit alone in isolation pretending that you don’t feel pain and that it isn’t excruciating to live in isolation, the more foreign you feel in the world and the more lonely you feel surrounded by people who obviously know things that you don’t know about how to live this life. For people who understand this kind of diabolical, self-induced sequestering, belonging to anyone or feeling like you truly belong anywhere is a big deal. Drawing near to anyone is also a big deal. When it happens for the first time, it is almost surreal and is an experience you will never forget. I finally had somewhere safe to land, somewhere I belonged, and was welcomed.
- Ephesians 2:13-But now in Christ Jesus, you who were once far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ.
- Ephesians 2:17- He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near.
- Ephesians 2:18- For through him we both have access to the father through one spirit.
- Ephesians 2:19- You are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household.
5. We are loved beyond comprehension. Beyond measure.
Accepting or giving love was not something I was familiar with when I came to know Jesus as my savior, a year or so after I got sober. His love. Feeling it is something I cannot describe, but it is that love that illustrated how I am called to love and live and operate my life. Because of this love, I learned to love myself. His love offered me a kind of unconditional affection I had never experienced before in my life.
- Ephesians 3:17-19-And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp HOW WIDE AND LONG AND HIGH AND DEEP IS THE LOVE OF CHRIST, AND TO KNOW THIS LOVE SURPASSES KNOWLEDGE-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
6. We have a NEW opportunity to learn to live a NEW life.
It’s not as easy as it sounds to put off an old life and take up a new one, but it is that opportunity that is the blessing and the hope we find in Jesus. I was out of options and ideas. I didn’t know if I would ever be able to live a peaceful, content, calm life or if I was worthy of that kind of existence. I didn’t need to repair my old life, I truly needed a blank slate. I needed to be freed from my old ways of thinking. How I viewed myself and the world needed to change.
- Ephesians 4:22-24- You were taught in regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitudes of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in righteousness and holiness.
7. We have to TURN away from our old ways and replace our old behavior with new behavior.
One thing I have learned is that we cannot simply stop doing the things that were destroying us, without replacing them with something else. We get to choose what we replace them with. Science tells us that when we quit a habit if it is not replaced by something else, we will most likely return to that old way of doing things. For me this has proven to be true in all aspects of my life recovery; the way I handle my anger, or the manner in which I choose to participate in an argument, the way I cope, the way I approach hard days, difficult feelings, or uncomfortable situations. I have had to systematically shut down dozens of old ways of doing things and replace them with more healthy solutions. Always a work in progress, obviously, but my point is the Bible clearly supports this theory. It also supports the idea that many recovery programs stand behind, and that is acts of service. When we find our hope, we share our hope with others. It’s like an unwritten recovery rule no matter what program you believe in.
- Ephesians 4:28- Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer <–(stop the behavior)
but must work <–(replace the behavior) doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. <–(serve, give back, humility, gratitude, sharing hope)
8. We have to work in order to change.
We don’t work for our salvation. Faith is not earned, but a reflection of the depth of our faith and relationship with God is evidenced in how we act. What we do. What we give and share. The bible does not say stop stealing and I will do the work for you so that you might have a better or different lifestyle. It clearly says stop stealing and do other shit. It says if you steal, stop. Work. Do something useful. I didn’t get sober by asking God into my life. I asked God into my life, and felt loved, seen, and valued. Because of that, I was better able to gauge my own self-worth and was able to build self-confidence and a healthy relationship with myself. I had to do the work that it took to get there. Because of God’s strength, I was strong enough to withstand the painful healing process of sifting through so many traumatic incidents from my childhood and adolescence. I had to choose to do the work. Part of gaining wisdom and strength to endure life’s ups and downs can be found in the grey area. The area of life where we accept God’s presence and strength, and we jump; moving forward into unknown spaces that are full of valuable lessons that we can draw upon to stay sober in the future. So we do have to work and learn things on our own. God isn’t our scapegoat he is our mouth guard. He is why we can catch a blow to our face, and not have our teeth knocked out. He protects and strengthens us for the battles we WILL face when we do the work recovery insists we take on.
- Ephesians 4:28-Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must WORK
9. This is ALL about love. Recovery. Sobriety. Jesus. All of it.
Forgiveness requires love. Because God loves me and forgave me, I was able to forgive the people who hurt me and wronged me, causing me lasting pain. I can’t harbor hatred and rage and bitterness in my heart without it consuming my entire person. I had to forgive so that my spirit could heal, and so that I didn’t walk around with gaping, dripping, rage-filled wounds on my body as I attacked anyone who dared to come near me. I am sober today because I know that I am loved and valued. I love myself enough to treat my body and mind kindly. I love my children beyond that, so much so that I am dedicated to showing them through my actions. They will know that they are loved and valued and because of that, I will give them as much as I am able to give them. Because of God’s love, I can accept others as they are, because I was accepted as I was. I can love people who don’t think like me, who don’t recover my way, or who don’t agree with my views on Christ, or recovery. It’s all because of God’s love. The most illuminating, powerful thing on earth.
- Ephesians 4:31-32- Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave you.
- Ephesians 5:1-2- Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children, and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.