It never ceases to amaze me how far unhealthy, toxic, dysfunctional people will go to tesr people down.
I feel like this is just another one of those things on the long list of consequences people from dysfunctional families don’t talk about often.
Sometimes, no matter how far we move from the past, there are people out there willing to remind us of who we were.
And okay. Let’s call that fair. Fine. Everyone’s entitled to a personal opinion. That I agree with.
But no one has a right to badger, harass, stalk, bully, try to manipulate, or taunt. This kind of behavior is why “blood relative” means absolutely nothing to me.
Example: One family member will call another family member to gossip about me, my writing, my family, books, or my parenting. Then proceed to comment on how cold and hateful I am.
And then that other family member will call me to let me know the things that were said during the conversation.
Like we’re in middle school planning our outfits.
(Despite my having asked many times not to be included in any of the conversations or summaries of their talks)
No respect. Not for me as a person, a woman, a person healing. None.
The gossip is always pretty juicy. Very lame. Usually cherry picking a word here, a photo or sentence there
It always makes me laugh to hear the things that are said. They’re not only atrocious and hateful but their words are wholly untrue.
No hard feelings or hate or anger from me. I just file this shit right under: “More stuff I cannot control.”
••But I am going to take the time to make sure I made something very clear to this family member (s) of mine:
This is *my space to share my thoughts, feelings, and personal experiences with my past and how I am healing.
I deserve to heal in peace.
I gave most of my life to a family that never truly cared about my well-being. I am done and I don’t owe anyone anything.
You don’t get an opinion or a say on this. If that upsets you, find a good therapist.
A really good one.
Nothing I do, say, or share is copyrighted or proprietary to you.
My memories are mine. My healing is MINE. I am not hurting anyone.
I will not be intimated by unstable people into being silenced about things that matter.
Issues that help me heal.
Conversations that matter.
Topics that need to be moved from “shameful” to “mainstream.”
Being verbally attacked or threatened is nothing new on my family.
But I won’t participate. I won’t back down.
The mere fact that you enjoy entertaining yourself, wasting your precious energy, and also time to tear me down in any way knowing what you know— reflects the most accurate representation of who you are and how completely lost you are. It’s very unbecoming.
Lastly- just leave. Don’t stop here. Don’t read my blog. Stop obsessing over my healing journey and start your own. You won’t regret it. Everyone deserves to know what this freedom feels like, even you.
What it might be like to love others. To set aside judgement and condemnation and to pick up honesty, compassion, empathy, and genuine kindness.
It’s lighter. It feels good. It’s authentic. No faking. No pretending to keep up with anyone else.
It’s incredible. One day, I hope you experience it for yourselves.
Until then, know this: I am not a victim. I am not voiceless. I am not a child and I won’t allow myself to be bullied. Also, no amount of acquired wealth makes any of you better human beings than the next person.
****If you are reading this and you also experience toxic family members who lash out or attack- please.
Evaluate your distance. Step back. Take a few steps back. Create some distance. Keep your sanity, your peace, your spirit, and your forward trajectory front and center.
There’s nothing wrong with protecting yourself.
•••I’m pretty sure— it’s time that we did for once.