So much of the healing process for me has been about the shameless and fearless integration of all of the best parts of the versions of – well, me. Unapologetically plastering a person together with pieces that I have saved, scraped off the floor, or created from scratch with a helping hand from Grace. I…
Category: Trauma -After Effects
Thanks for Nothing & Thank you for Everything.
One of the hardest parts of processing my childhood trauma has been hurting the people in my family who don’t fully understand what I went through, the ones who refuse to acknowledge the things I endured and the ones who fully believe that I am speaking out to help others for attention to feed some…
Showing Up.
The internet talks a lot about self-care and how it’s not a selfish act. And it’s not. Not for those of us who developed habits and patterns of thinking that excluded us from being cared for. I spent my childhood caring for others. I cared for them because I thought it was my job. That…
Carry the Message
I feel like my words written to you right now couldn’t accurately describe the depth of overwhelming gratitude that I have for any other survivors out there who reach out to me to let me know that somehow, in some small way, my words written from my deeply personal experiences have helped them or encouraged…
Clearing the Air
It never ceases to amaze me how far unhealthy, toxic, dysfunctional people will go to tesr people down. I feel like this is just another one of those things on the long list of consequences people from dysfunctional families don’t talk about often. Sometimes, no matter how far we move from the past, there are…
Discovering Barriers Review
Discovering Barriers
Trauma is really hard to talk about. It’s hard to describe, and it’s hard for people to understand. Healing from trauma is a uniquely difficult journey. Barriers are everywhere. They get in our way. We fight, and they fight back. It can feel like our past is reluctant to let us go. There are things…
Women• Ladies•Teammates
We are on the same team.
Trauma Healing- is Hard.
If you or someone you know is in the process of facing their traumatic past, please share my books with them. My hope is that they serve as an aid of encouragement-reminding Childhood Trauma Survivors that they are strong and courageous, and never alone in the fight for freedom and independence from the past. My…
From Escaping Shame to Living Hope.
I decided to use some of the time that I have here at home to organize some of my old photo books. I have been writing notes and dates and names on the backs of the photos so that one day my kids will have context. I’m also including the photos pictured above in one…
Unhappy Breeds More Unhappy.
Not even sorry. Not even a little bit. Sometimes, with dysfunctional families no matter how much space you create, certain things funnel and trickle their way down to you. In my family the gossip always finds a way, probably because no one respects your wishes or your privacy or boundaries or the hard work it…
Vulnerability.
Recovery. It has shown me the beauty, brilliance, importance, and power of vulnerability and connection. It feels really good to be open, honest, authentic, and willing to face the ups and the downs with another human who knows the real me. It doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle from time to time. Certain touches or…
Shame is a Liar.
No matter how much time passes- I won’t ever forget how this felt.I will always write specifically to that one person out there, terrified to reach out.The one who believes it’s too late, it’ll be too hard, they’re too far gone, or too damaged.I believed those lies too.I remember how it felt to believe the…
Breaking Cycles & Family Patterns
To my grandmother: Breaking a cycle or pattern. Sometimes it doesn’t make a lot of sense to read the words. It’s the difference between theory and practice. Often it doesn’t make a lot of sense on paper, but when we actually live it, the pieces come together and the words finally make sense. _______ -This…
Cont;nue.
If you are reading this, and you are feeling weary or tired or unseen- please know that you matter here on this earth. Amidst the hustle and noise, the rough days, and the ones you don’t want to get out of bed or look in the mirror– this world still needs you. You. Your gifts….
Waves of Darkness.
You probably wouldn’t have even noticed if you saw me last week. Maybe we bumped shoulders. Maybe we made eye contact. I probably smiled. You probably smiled. We both kept walking. But you wouldn’t have known- I felt like my body weighed a thousand pounds. I felt so, so tired. I kept thinking about positive…
Struggling Sober.
Time and again, I talk to people about their current struggles and time and again, I hear them express to me their frustrations. How they feel like they’re doing something wrong or they’re failing because they’re struggling. Often I catch myself feeling this way. Why is it that we berate ourselves when we struggle? Here…
Connect.
This was the one thing standing directly in front of me -barricading me, boxing me into my old life. My old way of thinking. An outright refusal to be seen; to connect. There was a life abundant waiting for me—-but it was on the other side of my idea that I had to be a…
This is 36.
Monday is my birthday. 36 years on the earth and 12+ years of living freely, without being shackled to pain or tied down to a past I believed defined who I was and dictated my abilities. Every year, the closer I get to another birthday, the more surprised I am to be here. The more…
Radical Love.
I’m not sure if I’ll ever stop talking about Jesus and what His love did for my life. I remember the girl I was walking through the doors of my first Celebrate Recovery meeting, and I will never forget how I felt that evening My overwhelming fear of failing. The hopelessness and feelings of being…
Simplifying Anonymity.
I think sometimes people make things way too complicated. My story is mine to tell, the details of my story are mine to tell. Your story is yours. Your details are yours to share. The fact that I choose to share my story and my details has no effect whatsoever on you, your program of…
Childhood Trauma
Sometimes I forget how far I have come. It’s not that I just completely forget how much work I’ve done, I think it’s more that I get too caught up in looking around at what’s going on with other people and their progress. For me this just isn’t a battle of staying away from substances…
Trauma, Intimacy, & Sobriety
My sobriety. It is where healing in more than one area of my life began. Because of it, I have found the courage to uncover dark, buried, forgotten, and unknown hurt that ultimately lead to my drug problem, and eventual addiction. But if you were to pour over the 200+ posts of mine here, you…
Building Walls vs. Creating Boundaries. What’s the Difference?
In college (I am a former drug-addict who dropped out of high-school and finally started college at the age of 29 and I am still not done yet I will have my degree when I am one-hundred) I learned that a lot of the therapeutic process is self-revelation. Asking open-ended questions and allowing people to…