Something I have learned through my experiences with my family and their ongoing addictions and my own struggles with addiction and substance abuse is when it comes to implementing and honoring boundaries…. All of it resides in a beautiful, flexible, gray area. And this area is meant to provide a safe place but things there…
Category: CoDepend/Boundaries
I Couldn’t Open the Door.
The day after Mother’s Day I heard a knock at my front door. And then almost immediately, my door bell rang. I quietly stepped to the front window and peeked out and I heard the doorbell again. When I looked out, I could see my mom standing on the porch. I stood there peeking through the…
Amends & Unexpected Blessings.
When my grandma passed away it hit me hard. From the time I was a little girl she was my bestie. My one constant. My rock. But as I got older our relationship changed. Slowly it became less and less about our inside jokes, the back and forth, the one liners, laughing until we both…
Alcohol, I’m Aware.
Late at night, when all is calm, and our house is taking a rest, I see your face in my mind. My heart aches for who you might be, or who I know that you are, hidden underneath all of your scars, and beneath the pain that you carry on your shoulders. You would hate…
5 Common Roadblocks in Recovery
You know that saying “Nothing worth having comes easy?” When it comes to being a newly sober person this couldn’t be more true. A person who is has become chemically dependent on a substance has a tough road ahead when it comes to long-term sobriety. They will need a strong support system behind them. Here are…
Tis’ the Season to Al-Anon.
I really enjoy having the freedom to put my thoughts -well, somewhere; writing is like my personal therapy. My brain, even though I am sure on a scan it would be lit up all funky, blotchy, and likely considered ‘dysfunctional’… is somehow still full of ideas and deep things that always seem to be circulating…
Reflections From a Visit with Mom:
I had lunch with my mom on Thursday, October 15, 2015. We had only really seen each other a handful of times since our last big hoorah in March of 2006- and on that particular St. Patrick’s day we both ended up in adjacent jail cells. Fast-forwarding to our next big hoorah, that happened on February…
4 Harsh Truths.
Let’s start with I love you. I am not angry at you. I forgive you, and one day, I hope that you embrace your own Recovery and begin living that life that you were made to live. Moving on.. I am an ethical human and believe that ethics are standards by which ALL people who…
I Can See You.
*How you see you: You see failure. You see right through yourself. You feel angry when you see what you have become. Shame consumes you, blinding you from seeing hope for any kind of change. You see how far you have fallen. You see all of the destruction you have created. You can’t see your…
Thanks, Al-Anon.
You hold onto hope, because that is what you do when you love someone. Instead of screaming- “that’s where people like that should be” … we are imagining all of the places that they have the potential and talent to be one day. We don’t see the awkward, tired, malnourished human who has made countless…
Finally. All Alone At The Bottom.
When no one came to my rescue, I found myself alone. All alone in my self-created pit, that I called my deepest rock bottom. I really hated being alone. Feelings of loneliness seemed to be one of the only feelings that I allow myself to feel. Despite the fact that I always felt alone in a room full…
When No One Showed Up At The Bottom
I hit more than one bottom before making the decision to try Recovery. My body felt like I hit thousands of times but realistically, hundreds is probably more accurate. I really couldn’t tell you what a dozen of my ‘rock bottoms’ looked like and that’s because I was never down there long enough to have…
The Shame Card.
Words. They are powerful. They have the power to help the healing process and they can hold enough power to destroy someone. In the past using words as weapons to cut people down and stomp all over them was how I would react when I was angry or frustrated. It was my defense and it was…
Bystanders.
After writing my open letter to my family members, I saw a photo posted by someone who lost their loved one too soon to drug addiction. I immediately teared up. These emotions are so raw and real. Family members literally watch their loved ones slip away, day by day, very slowly. They aren’t dead but…
An open letter.
I am in need of this reminder this week, so today I am going to refresh my memory as to why good, strong boundaries are so important in relationships with addicts. An open letter to the addicts in my life. I love you both very much. I know that you don’t feel like I do…
12 Ways to Help Kill Your Addicted Loved One AND Lose Your Sanity
1. Every time you talk to them, be sure to remind them of how they are wasting their life away by making stupid & idiotic decisions that make no logical sense. Remind them that if they were not stupid, they would be able to see that. 2. Be sure to base how much they love…
10 Tips: For Friends & Family of Someone Struggling with an Addiction
These are just things that would have helped me when I was struggling.Here are 10 randomly concocted tips that I have come up with: 1. Express empathy for them, directly to them. 2. Avoid arguments with them whether they are sober or not. (this creates a high-emotion situation and doesn’t do anything besides creating an urgency to use…
Ignoring My Boundaries.
Last month I was literally chased out of my grandmother’s funeral. Technically, I was ran out of a ‘celebration of life.’ I think that this could have been avoided if the genius who planned it chose a beautiful, historical location that meant something to our family, WITHOUT the open -bar that was posted up alongside…
Bending The Boundaries
Ya’ll this week has been a little bit tough. I think that when someone who you love struggles with addiction, chances are you struggle with codependency issues. This has been the kind of week that I really have to be on point. I know a lot of facts and formal knowledge about addiction, codependency,…