(That photo isn’t mine. I didn’t create it. I don’t own it. Credit to anon.) Hello! Where have I been? How have I been? How have YOU been? I have been slacking big time here, I know. It has been so hectic and life things are making me tired. Our house is on the market…
Author: Brittany
Teen Suicide
Tuesday, Oct 10th was the 25th anniversary of World Mental Health Day. I am a person in recovery from addiction and I am still learning better ways every day to embrace the latest version of who I am, post-trauma. I have suffered and survived through postpartum depression three times. Every day I still dance with general…
Sobriety Doesn’t Always Feel Good, But it Always Feels Right.
I had coffee with my mom this week at my house, in my kitchen. I fed her and we talked for a couple of informative, surprisingly uneventful hours. She says that her case worker and counselor are two of the most friendly, knowledgeable, and responsive that she has ever had. (Praise the Lord for that)….
16 Paradoxical Truths of Life, Faith, and Recovery
Absurd and practical paradoxical truths. They’re everywhere. I am a person who can very easily become distracted and obsessed over all things linear, logical, balanced, and simplified, but am also someone whose recovery has benefited most from these seemingly contradictory nuggets of wisdom when I least expect it. How’s that for paradoxical? My growth happens inside of…
Go Out There and Give a F*ck
“This so-called ‘F*ck-it Bucket’. How does this work and where would I find one that isn’t defective?” -Asking for a friend. I used to believe that I was a proud owner of one of these buckets. Back when I lived my life as a girl with emotional capacity comparable to an armored tank. Present day…
Why To Consider Ending a Friendship
I wouldn’t say that forming new friendships post-sobriety has been easy, but the ones that I have developed are the most rich I have ever experienced. Recovery has proven over and over again to offer a multitude of exceptional promises, ironically these promises are delivered only after we let go of the assumptions, the control…
Perfectionism In Disguise
After I finished the last chapter of the first draft of my book, Tales of a Trauma Queen-Saved By Grace, I sat back in my chair and thought, “God my life used to suck.” I say that knowing how much better this thing has become. I say that, having an understanding of the significance of…
Step One: Three Parts, One Intricately-Simple Proclamation
I like to buy different versions of step-workbooks, and I still occasionally study them and work through them. It helps me inventory and track how I am feeling by proposing the same questions in different formats. Sometimes it reveals questions that I didn’t know I had, other times it will reveal a hidden pothole I…
Be a Wise Builder, Do Those Things
I wrote a semi-emotionally driven post about people, ego’s, and how the entitlement felt by some to feel compelled to condemn the recovery program’s followed by other’s that are different from their own, seems to run deep these days. Today I want to expand a little on this subject. Yesterday I re-read the parable of…
Learning To Pursue Growth Instead of Taking Short-Cuts
I was terrible with early recovery. Had my sponsor, my support people, or God, been rigid or judgmental they would have given up on me within my the first few weeks. I can’t tell you that I tried out meditation, that I intently wrote in my journal regularly, or that I sat quietly for periods…
Early Recovery & Sober Mom Guilt
I had a birthday Saturday and I have to say turning 34 is just as cool as turning 33 was. As far as I can tell, as each sober year comes and goes this life stuff is going to continue to get better and better. Apparently, another hidden perk of my recovery has gone unnoticed….
Don’t Let The Ego Take Over
For a growing number of people in our society sober living isn’t only for people who have already developed a dependence or a Substance Use Disorder. It is common for people choose to cut alcohol out of their lives altogether but they don’t have to, they want to. They are living sober, but they don’t…
When They Ask Why You Don’t Drink, Answer Them
If you could be internet famous for over-complicating possible various social and situational outcomes, then I guess I would be famous. Probably. And probably along with a lot of you. I know I am not the only person who deserves a whole sheet of gold stars for being over-analytical. Have you ever read a headline…
How I Learned to Stop Living Crisis to Crisis
If I were re-writing and tailoring the first half of the classic Serenity Prayer to speak to my former-self and the way I lived my former-life, it would go something like this: Brittany, c’mon already and grant yourself some strength, to desperately avoid the things you cannot change; courage to continuously hide from the things…
Deliveries, Deliverance, and The Trials of This Life
I heard drone delivery is being tested by Amazon. My mind immediately went to a future sky peppered with boxes or bags full of our wants and needs, and our sweet cargo dropping at our front doors. Not only will we have the option of shopping from the comfort and privacy of our own home,…
Living a Life of Evidence
Our actions will always produce a trail of evidence that reflect our inward status. Always. In school we learned that successful addiction treatment outcomes (and by successful I mean treatment plans that are put in place and any kind of forward moving progress is being made) are always marked by identifiable variations of measurable, outward…
Carrying The Message
The Dead Sea. Not only the lowest place on planet earth, it’s one of those places where for years and years it has been given to. It has been continually fed fresh, lively, healthy things from other rivers and streams from the mountains in the area that make their way into this body of water….
As a COA, Can I Honor My Parent?
Traditionally I write tributes to all of my surrogate “moms” for Mother’s Day, thanking the countless women who have impacted my life by sharing their stories, wisdom, tips, tricks, secrets, encouragement, and advice, helping me to fill in what has felt like an excessive amount of domestic and relational inadequacies. Or, I write about my…
Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread, Living ODAAT
Is it possible that living one-day-at-a-time was an approach designed for all of us to live out our best, most-balanced, most productive, healthiest lives? Maybe it was never intended to only be a go-to prescription, custom-fit & dispersed only to those of us living lives in recovery from drugs and alcohol. Or only applied to the…
I’m Not An Alcoholic, But I Live Sober Anyway
Passover is one of the Shalosh Regalim, or Three Pilgrimage Festivals. On the eve of the first day of Passover each spring Jewish people around the world partake in a feast known as the Seder. The celebration is an opportunity for families to enjoy a meal while honoring Jewish prayers, history, and traditions. Each of the eight…
Don’t You Dare Give Up
Maybe you are only an hour in. Or a day. Or three months. Maybe you hate what sobriety is feeling like right now. You aren’t sure if it is for you. Maybe you are trying to tell yourself that you can’t hack it, because you aren’t strong enough. Early recovery can be hard. Really, really…
Shame.
Strong emotions connected to an all-to-familiar brand of deprecating shame were recently reignited within me. And this recent spike of shame also brought with it the kind of nasty, heavy, weight that prefers to bear down directly on top of my shoulders. I tried to self-talk my way through and I also attempted to take and utilize some…
Struggling With Feelings of Inferiority & Shame
Maybe I am the only person who feels this way, or maybe, that is habitual isolation at its finest, trying to convince me that I must be the only person that this happens to. I am safe to assume my hunch, and that is, I am definitely not alone in this. So you know you…
Trauma, Intimacy, & Sobriety
My sobriety. It is where healing in more than one area of my life began. Because of it, I have found the courage to uncover dark, buried, forgotten, and unknown hurt that ultimately lead to my drug problem, and eventual addiction. But if you were to pour over the 200+ posts of mine here, you…
PSA.
*It is progressive, it has gotten worse and you are utilizing it more and more as time goes by. *It seems to be gaining strength and power over time. *Maybe it began as an emotional or psychological (or egotistical) crutch. *It may have been passed down previous generations and now it’s yours. *Unless there is…
JFT Encouragement
I am in recovery from the after effects of childhood trauma. My experiences changed who I might have been and how I operated, navigated, and interacted through my life. For years I grieved for that little girl who had opportunities ripped out from underneath her. Anger and sadness consumed me, and I secretly yearned to…
Self-Care In Addiction Recovery
My addiction recovery was only supposed to help me learn how-to not eat pills for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I never went in expecting anything more than to learn how to abstain from drugs and alcohol. So I began to wonder why so much emphasis was being placed on self-care and self-love when I went…
What Recovery Taught Me About Accepting Love After Experiencing Trauma
It’s almost Valentine’s Day. Let’s talk about love…. A few years ago I believed that drugs and alcohol were the culprit behind my inability to accept love from other people. My philosophy? It was because of my addiction(s) that I had let toxic shame overcome all what was left of me, and that is why…
Content vs. Complacent, What’s The Difference?
The difference between being a person in recovery who is content, and being a person in recovery who has become complacent, is a subtle one. Both are formally defined with very similar descriptive words like satisfaction & gratification. In my opinion, and personal experience with both, the subtle difference hinges on pride; and we all…
Jumping When You Are Ambivalent about Recovery & Life Change
I can remember feeling comfortable living the way I was living. Of course, I wouldn’t describe my life as full or my feelings as content or joyous, because it was all the exact opposite. Still, I was comfortable being there. I mean, there was zero possibility of letting anyone down. Not even I could manage…