Every line of this photo is very personal to me. I have felt the weight and have allowed myself to be held back by each word at some point in my journey. A large chunk of my past causes my gut to tense up, seizing my breathing, causing my reality to pause as I cringe…
Author: Brittany
Getting Familiar with Family Recovery
Anytime I have unrealistic expectations for something or someone, I am solely responsible for letting myself down. This is what I have done with the idea of “Family Recovery” that I formed in my head for the better part of the last decade. My picturesque vision of family recovery resembled those stock photos slathered on so many treatment center websites:…
Worth.
No matter how many times you fall, stand back up. I found hope at the bottom. God wastes nothing. He will take all of the pain and confusion, the hopelessness, and feelings of emptiness- and he’ll use it to show you your purpose. It’s never too late to start over again, even if you feel…
No Days Off.
Every night I listen to the 5 o’clock news broadcast as I cook dinner and if I can, I sit down and give my attention to the short two-minute portion of the news called, State of Addiction. For months, (for obvious reasons) this segment has been solely focused on Fentanyl and heroin-related stories, but yesterday…
A New Stage of Change: Preparation
Life in the Bottle, written by Jeremiah Kirmse (7-11-2018, shared with permission) I love to be drunk but I don’t drink all the time, I am sitting in jail writing this rhyme. Popping the bottle, drinking has put me through hell, I love back on my life as I sit in this cell. I destroy…
Discovering Beautiful Book. What it is, and Why it Matters.
https://youtu.be/QcYgNR2Hsfc
Managing & Navigating Depressive Symptoms
https://youtu.be/yIDP6Kdvg54
Learning from the Psalmist
I just started a Bible study that I am pretty excited about. I am only on day number three, but I am already so ready to share what I have learned with you. The study I am doing is only going to focus in on fifteen particular Psalms, (known…
Finding Wisdom in the Waiting
I’m breathing oxygen by Grace, living on borrowed time, and often I feel overcome with guilt. Why me and not them? Why not now? Did we do enough? When will it be their time? Have we gone and done too much? Do we forgive seventy times seven times? No, forget that. Have I forgiven seventy…
Guest: Kelsey Brown-Writer for Nova Recovery Center
3 Important Life Lessons on Addiction (From Someone who has never experienced Addiction) Life has a funny way of dragging you along and taking you to places you never thought you’d go. Although I’ve always loved writing about anything and everything, writing articles for people seeking addiction help is one thing I never thought I’d…
Practicing Forgiveness & Having a Clear Conscience
I haven’t written here in two months. I took a break from the shining light of my laptop and did what a friend suggested. I rested. In the weeks since, I have done a lot of recreational reading that I have enjoyed catching up on, and have enjoyed solely focusing no my three kids who…
Our Mental Health Matters
Sometimes our problems can seem like they are just too complicated to sort out or that maybe because our manilla file folder is exceptionally thick, we might just be stuck or deemed to live in toxic cycles forever until we die. I was a cornucopia of all things unhealthy and adverse, with a past much more…
Accountability
I spent years blaming and replaying undeserved pain or unnecessary hurt again and again in my head. I suffocated, as I waited around for apologies and my spirit became infected by bitterness, regret, and self-pity. Wallowing is a damaging state to survive in. At some point we have to unpack, feel the pain, sit with…
What’s Your One Thing?
Throughout my life, there was this one thing that I ran from. For years. I refused to embrace it. I didn’t dare dream of getting too close. There was no way I was going to feel it or attempting to use its strengths. I definitely wasn’t going to become carelessly reliant on it. Vulnerability. What…
From Blog to Book!
YOU GUYS! Last night we created my final book cover and today, I ordered my proof! I am IN DENIAL. (Which isn’t a completely foreign place to me, LOL)! I just wanted to share my excitement with you guys. This has been an incredible, stressful, exciting process. If you knew how many times I second-guessed myself, or…
Fundraising for ShatterProof 5k!
Even a donation of $5 counts, friends! Please consider helping me reach my goal this year of $150. Last year was the first annual Shatterproof 5k in Kansas City. We had an amazing turn-out! It was overwhelming to read the stories, listen to testimonials, and see survivors and those still fighting TOGETHER in the same…
I Didn’t Realize I Let Go
Have you ever wondered how to tell if you are really ‘over’ something? There are some things I am really great at letting go. I can usually keep it simple and it happens almost automatically. A lady blatantly stepped in line in front of me at the post office this afternoon and I said nothing. Not…
Back On The Slopes
I know, I know. Here I go again, but when you love someone who struggles with addiction you are on their ride, and when you follow this blog, you’re a guest rider. One minute things are okay, the next you’re blogging about contradictory and confusing feelings as you ride the hill back down….again. Regardless of…
Good Grief.
On Sunday, March 25, 2018, we had to put our family pet to sleep. I am a sober person. For me, this means I was really good at hiding from emotion. It didn’t matter whether a feeling was positive or negative. I didn’t want to be sober long enough to feel forced into it….
It’s Probably Going To Fall Apart.
Behavior is said to be self–sabotaging when it creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals and I don’t necessarily think it always has to manifest in loud, obvious, expected ways. What used to be me ruining relationships, lying, stealing, or destroying my mind and body, to make sure that I wouldn’t have to feel anything or connect…
Reactive, Fear-Based Love & 5 Things I Have Learned as an X-Enabler
It’s a blessing and a curse to have the foresight to take a few steps back when faced with a high-stress, family situation, especially in highly dysfunctional families, but if you want to start the process of changing or repairing any system you have to be willing to take an honest, objective look at it how things function (or…
I Will Continue to Share My Truth
If your family of origin is as completely screwed up as mine is, then you will be able to relate to this post. Rarely do I write when I am emotional or feeling as anxious as I am right now, so this could be interesting. Do you know why I write so often about breaking cycles…
Enough Congratulatory Sentiments
How I feel when people blow my accumulated sober-time out of proportion without knowing how deep my dysfunction runs: It’s not that I don’t genuinely appreciate a compliment and it’s not that I still haven’t learned how to gracefully accept one. I know exactly how hard and long I have worked so…
Trauma, Addiction, & Shame
I have read, learned, experienced, and listened to enough TED talks to understand that the particular brand of shame I experience runs deep in my bones. Shame is different than feelings of guilt. The shame I feel is an underlying feeling of being inherently damaged, despite knowing the truth about who I am and who…
Tough Love is Tough and Not For Me
My experience with dishing out different shades of tough love the last fourteen years has not always been productive. I have made so many mistakes. I have gotten it wrong time and time and time again. My resume as an enabler is expansive and reaches the darkest parts of my personality. My propensity to honor…
Hope: The Valley of Dry Bones
Ezekiel 37:1-14 (MSG) Breath of Life God grabbed me. God’s Spirit took me up and set me down in the middle of an open plain strewn with bones. He led me around and among them—a lot of bones! There were bones all over the plain—dry bones, bleached by the sun. He said to me, “Son of man, can…
Addiction & Loved Ones Experiencing Homelessness
For some reason a simple lesson popped into my head today as I wrote this, of the Parable of the Lost Sheep. (Luke 15) We reviewed this with our first and second graders at church two weeks ago. One of the other ministry leaders looked at our small group of children and said, Now remember this…
Healing & Recovery Summed Up in One GIF.
Whack-a-mole
Stop The Need To Control Before It Starts
I have a slightly sarcastic teenager living in my house and I use the term slightly, sarcastically. He goes through phases of embracing different words and phrases that he and his friends consider to be funny. A few months back, it was Y.P. and M.P. For example, if I said to him, “Yo there…
Four Scary Things That are More Manageable in Recovery
Long before I developed an addiction to prescription medication , I abused drugs and alcohol regularly to make things in my life easier; to make the things I perceived as scary, a little less scary. As with every other paradoxical surprise that seems to come with sobriety and recovery truths, this one is right up…