I started writing for her. I wanted her to know that I was so sorry.Sorry for ignoring her needs for 23 years.For hiding. For running. For numbing her.I was sorry for succumbing to the intensity of the pain and for continually extinguishing the light in her eyes to make sure she floated above and below…
Author: Brittany
From Escaping Shame to Living Hope.
I decided to use some of the time that I have here at home to organize some of my old photo books. I have been writing notes and dates and names on the backs of the photos so that one day my kids will have context. I’m also including the photos pictured above in one…
New Book!
Thanks to the extra time offered by the anxiety-producing, world-wide pandemic, I finished my second book. I still can’t believe how God has moved in and through my life. I mean that. As insanely beautiful as it was to find sobriety thirteen years ago, it has been even more unbelievable and unexpected to watch my…
Featured Warrior – Warriors on Purpose
I am honored to be a Featured Warrior on Kip Shubert’s website, Warriors on Purpose. If you don’t know, Kip is the founder of Warriors on Purpose. He is a father, teacher and someone who is passionate about guiding people and sharing his experiences strength and hope to help others break free from their destructive…
Thank you.
Someone just sent me this pic. The order I placed for these has not yet arrived so that means I had still not seen my own work yet, in book form, until tonight! Crazy! I am BEYOND thankful for friends who support me!! I am blessed measure, well past what I deserve to be able…
Good Fruit.
I’ve been struggling a lot lately in this season of life. And I found myself laying in bed last night, scrolling with my phone in front of my face- searching the internet for answers that I’m not going to find on the internet. The thing is, is often, I know the answers to the questions…
Unhappy Breeds More Unhappy.
Not even sorry. Not even a little bit. Sometimes, with dysfunctional families no matter how much space you create, certain things funnel and trickle their way down to you. In my family the gossip always finds a way, probably because no one respects your wishes or your privacy or boundaries or the hard work it…
Vulnerability.
Recovery. It has shown me the beauty, brilliance, importance, and power of vulnerability and connection. It feels really good to be open, honest, authentic, and willing to face the ups and the downs with another human who knows the real me. It doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle from time to time. Certain touches or…
Thirteen.
Happy 13 years of sober living to me. When I look at myself I see an whole, yet comfortably-imperfect, content, woman. I see someone who enjoys being a student of all things and a person who can gratuitously accept my long-list of character flaws that are covered by this massive & powerful blanket of Grace…
Find You.
Childhood Trauma takes. It steals so many things from us. Time. Innocence. Sleep. Consistency. Developmental milestones. Memories. Our ability to recognize, receive, or offer love. Our voice. Spirit. Willingness to be vulnerable. Our ability to connect. It’s okay to take some time and start from scratch. Figure out who you are. Not who you were…
Perseverance.
I think because of my past, my upbringing, and my experiences -one of the things I hate most post-recovery—- is the unknown. Like most people, I don’t enjoy not having answers or not knowing what’s coming next. But because of the trauma I survived, the illusion of control is a comfort I am still learning…
Shame is a Liar.
No matter how much time passes- I won’t ever forget how this felt.I will always write specifically to that one person out there, terrified to reach out.The one who believes it’s too late, it’ll be too hard, they’re too far gone, or too damaged.I believed those lies too.I remember how it felt to believe the…
Breaking Cycles & Family Patterns
To my grandmother: Breaking a cycle or pattern. Sometimes it doesn’t make a lot of sense to read the words. It’s the difference between theory and practice. Often it doesn’t make a lot of sense on paper, but when we actually live it, the pieces come together and the words finally make sense. _______ -This…
Cont;nue.
If you are reading this, and you are feeling weary or tired or unseen- please know that you matter here on this earth. Amidst the hustle and noise, the rough days, and the ones you don’t want to get out of bed or look in the mirror– this world still needs you. You. Your gifts….
Waves of Darkness.
You probably wouldn’t have even noticed if you saw me last week. Maybe we bumped shoulders. Maybe we made eye contact. I probably smiled. You probably smiled. We both kept walking. But you wouldn’t have known- I felt like my body weighed a thousand pounds. I felt so, so tired. I kept thinking about positive…
Struggling Sober.
Time and again, I talk to people about their current struggles and time and again, I hear them express to me their frustrations. How they feel like they’re doing something wrong or they’re failing because they’re struggling. Often I catch myself feeling this way. Why is it that we berate ourselves when we struggle? Here…
Connect.
This was the one thing standing directly in front of me -barricading me, boxing me into my old life. My old way of thinking. An outright refusal to be seen; to connect. There was a life abundant waiting for me—-but it was on the other side of my idea that I had to be a…
This is 36.
Monday is my birthday. 36 years on the earth and 12+ years of living freely, without being shackled to pain or tied down to a past I believed defined who I was and dictated my abilities. Every year, the closer I get to another birthday, the more surprised I am to be here. The more…
Forgiveness is Hard.
Today is my mom’s 52nd birthday. I just wanted to share with you my experience with forgiveness. It hasn’t meant reconciliation. We went years without any contact. It hasn’t been easy. I haven’t forgotten. It makes it even more difficult that she is still struggling, and she has no recollection of any of my personal…
First Meeting in 10 Years.
I went to a meeting last month. Crazy, right? For those of you who don’t know here’s some quick history. I began my recovery in a 12-step program. People like to proclaim that these kinds of things aren’t treatment- but I have to strongly disagree. For some of us- it is all we have to…
Inspiration Gone Wrong.
I remember watching my brother free fall alongside me, feeling a sense of comfort and connection with him. We both knew we were living aimless, empty lives, but we felt better about it knowing that we were in it together. We were both hurting deeply in ways we couldn’t process. There were things that we…
Radical Love.
I’m not sure if I’ll ever stop talking about Jesus and what His love did for my life. I remember the girl I was walking through the doors of my first Celebrate Recovery meeting, and I will never forget how I felt that evening My overwhelming fear of failing. The hopelessness and feelings of being…
Simplifying Anonymity.
I think sometimes people make things way too complicated. My story is mine to tell, the details of my story are mine to tell. Your story is yours. Your details are yours to share. The fact that I choose to share my story and my details has no effect whatsoever on you, your program of…
Childhood Trauma
Sometimes I forget how far I have come. It’s not that I just completely forget how much work I’ve done, I think it’s more that I get too caught up in looking around at what’s going on with other people and their progress. For me this just isn’t a battle of staying away from substances…
Endure.
We will be able to make it through. We can endure.
Using the synonyms listed for endure-
We will be able to persist.
We will be able to survive.
To live through.
To go on, continue.
To suffer patiently.
One-Dozen-Sober-Years.
This month I am officially reflecting on twelve years of sobriety. Perspective is such a badass thing. My recovery has transformed dozens of times. Every year in December, I take some time to let myself soak it in; I feel it all and I take stock of how things have changed. The phases. The tears, the…
Life Recovery & Ephesians
I have a thing for taking notes. I am a notebook hauling kind of person; the kind of person who keeps a notepad in the compartment of my driver door in the car and plenty of working pens in the console, ‘just in case’. I have never had a decent idea pop into my head…
They Are Not Just Bad People
The leaves have fallen. Bell ringers sign up for their two-hour shifts. I transition from my regular generalized anxiety to my fancier, more prevalent, Holiday anxiety mixed with a dash of seasonal affective disorder. It’s time to celebrate the holiday season. There is an ora of excitement that fills my house. I always decorate for…
The Good Kind of Fear
There aren’t many Sunday morning’s that I don’t find myself standing in awe, with tears in my eyes as I sing praises to Jesus. I am not one to stand with my arms held high, outstretched toward the ceiling of the sanctuary, but am more inclined to feel weighted; yet completely free, with my head hanging…
Today was Hard.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wo-eoECRErM&t=12s