*How you see you: You see failure. You see right through yourself. You feel angry when you see what you have become. Shame consumes you, blinding you from seeing hope for any kind of change. You see how far you have fallen. You see all of the destruction you have created. You can’t see your…
Author: Brittany
Thanks, Al-Anon.
You hold onto hope, because that is what you do when you love someone. Instead of screaming- “that’s where people like that should be” … we are imagining all of the places that they have the potential and talent to be one day. We don’t see the awkward, tired, malnourished human who has made countless…
Stigma Is A Verb.
Merriam Webster would have you believe that stigma is a noun. Yes, it’s a thing… but it has to be practiced in order to be a thing… Stereotypes are over-generalizations that lump major groups of people together in one mis-conceptualized melting pot of untruth. They produce stigmas that are unrealistic. Stigma does a lot of…
Finally. All Alone At The Bottom.
When no one came to my rescue, I found myself alone. All alone in my self-created pit, that I called my deepest rock bottom. I really hated being alone. Feelings of loneliness seemed to be one of the only feelings that I allow myself to feel. Despite the fact that I always felt alone in a room full…
When No One Showed Up At The Bottom
I hit more than one bottom before making the decision to try Recovery. My body felt like I hit thousands of times but realistically, hundreds is probably more accurate. I really couldn’t tell you what a dozen of my ‘rock bottoms’ looked like and that’s because I was never down there long enough to have…
It All Boils Down To Staying Honest With Ourselves
I said I would tell you how things went after I left the hospital. Maybe it doesn’t ever completely ‘go away’. It goes, somewhere, but not ‘away’. I know that is not a super sciency explanation, but this is a real-life, true to every day explanation. Like if our brains were old farm-houses. Our old addictions…
Percocet. I love you very much.
After my c-section and tubal ligation, I chose not to take any pain medication stronger than the standard issued 800 mg of Ibuprofen every few hours. It did absolutely nothing. My pain remained a solid 10. On top of having latching issues and being brand new to breastfeeding a new adorable tiny human every single…
Beauty from Ashes.
I feel an unquenchable urge to tell others about what God can do in the life and heart of any person, regardless of anything that they may consider ‘too shameful’ or ‘not good enough’… He can take ashes and make them beautiful. He can take what you thought was permanent damage, and turn it…
Why Relationships Are Sort of Important:
Never trust or rely on anyone. People will always let you down. I choose to walk alone. This mentality blossomed into what would later become one of my greatest ‘character defects’. My addiction turned me into a taker, a manipulator and user of people. I ‘needed’ their services, their money, or any other tangible, useful…
The Danger of the One Man Army.
Call it a coping mechanism, a learned behavior, something ingrained into my psyche from listening to too many perpetuated loops of Tupac’s Me against the World… (or maybe a combination of varying amounts of all..) but when a person allows themselves to succumb to the ‘me against them’ mentality, you can expect fatal results. Yes,…
3 Reasons to Reach Out in Early Recovery:
As I scroll through any one of my several news-feeds, I am reminded of my own struggles that I faced in early recovery. I can literally feel the frustration and anger from people who are withdrawing & detoxing their bodies and minds. These people are doing their very best to sort out feelings that they are now…
The Shame Card.
Words. They are powerful. They have the power to help the healing process and they can hold enough power to destroy someone. In the past using words as weapons to cut people down and stomp all over them was how I would react when I was angry or frustrated. It was my defense and it was…
Careful Thirsting Friends, Careful Thirsting.
Recently, I read a post on Facebook that linked an article called ‘Lies Christian Women Will Believe to Justify Watching Fifty Shades of Grey.’ (Here is the link to that article, if you are interested: http://www.carmendmiller.com/2015/01/lies-christian-women-will-believe-to.html ) I commented on that Facebook post: “I have not read any of these books, I have still not…
The Irony of it all.
I was just thinking and thought I would share with you guys. Isn’t it ironic that in early addiction we tend to live in the future. We are living fast, we want things now, we are rushing around in a hurry to have fun and find more, more, more. In late addiction we tend to…
Addiction Destroys Families.
Yes addiction destroys families. It destroys all of nouns in its path if they are within reach. It’s hostages are usually people, but relationships, mental health, physical health, emotional health, a person’s business, someone’s career, overall stability, and wellness are almost always banged up too. You name it. If it’s in the way, it either…
You’re a Great Mom.
If I fall asleep during this post, I guess it won’t get published like I had hoped, because I wanted to share what is on my heart this morning. It is 9:05 a.m. and I can barely keep my eyes open. By all mom standards, it is one of those days. I am listening for…
Practicing Recovery
The real lifestyle changes that Recovery has to offer will have the opportunity to begin and become active parts of our new lives: when we choose to close our apps and decide to power off our laptops; and get to work. I know not everyone has meetings available in their area, or the type of…
To go.. or not to go?
To go or not to go? That is always the question during the holiday season. If you are in Recovery, the holidays can be hard. Each individual has various levels of coping skills, time in Recovery, different triggers, vulnerabilities, and weaknesses. There are too many variables to post an all-encompassing, accurate, blanket answer for everyone…
3 Things that I am grateful for.
In Recovery we are taught to cultivate an attitude of gratefulness. This helps us to begin the process of living in humility; balancing living mindful, presently, and in the now yet not ever forgetting the trench in which we were pulled from, and the people who were there to help save us from ourselves. The…
Something to remember:
“Well, the past is playing with my head And failure knocks me down again I’m reminded of the wrong That I have said and done And that devil just won’t let me forget….” “My mistakes are running through my mind And I’ll relive my days in the middle of the night When I struggle…
Being strong and courageous.
Being a strong person can mean a lot of different things to different people- but it doesn’t always have to mean holding it all together despite what may be going on around us or what we might be going through. I think many of us condition ourselves to hide or shy away from letting the…
Support Systems in Recovery
I am definitely a fan of ‘alone’. I am a true introvert, and not by popular, new-age, twenty-first century, because it’s cool choice. It is simply who I am. I am not anti-social. I love the people who I am close to, I enjoy speaking and meeting new people and I am encouraged by engaging…
Living One Day at a Time: 4 Benefits
I believe that in Recovery we should definitely have long-term goals etched out in our minds. We should have a rough idea of somewhere we would like to be, somewhere we could see ourselves, and things that we would like to accomplish in our lives, in the long-term, as sober humans. In early recovery…
Addiction Requires Dishonesty. Recovery Requires Truth.
We have to pay particular attention to how honest and truthful that we are in Recovery, holding ourselves to crazy high standards in order to ensure the best possibilities for ourselves and our future. Why? Because active addiction requires a lot of consistent dishonesty. One of the only areas left that an addict can manage…
This new life is more than I imagined….
For me, part of my healing along the way has come from being transparent and honest about my ‘story’. Finally allowing myself to take an honest look at my childhood, to feel that pain instead of being ‘strong’ or sweeping it somewhere deep inside of my psyche really helped me to have the freedom to…
Healthy & Happy.
18 weeks today! We’re almost halfway there. I just have to say that I am so grateful for this journey!!! God is so so good people.
Choosing to go public.
When I first had the idea to blog, I simply needed to vent. I needed to get things off my chest and needed an outlet that offered my complete freedom to do so. I loved the freedom that the internet world offered to me. A platform to speak my mind and share my truest, most…
Well hello familiar stranger.
When my grandmother’s house burned down, the photo albums were MIA for a long while. It took awhile to dig through the remnants of her belongings that were salvageable to gather them all up. Many made it through, but a lot were damaged by smoke or water, and all of them smell like mold…
The 12 -steps & Recovery.
I ran across this article from 2011 on Promises Recovery website. I am sharing directly from their page, and I think it is beneficial for anyone who is in Recovery. Here is the link to full original article: (http://www.promises.com/articles/work-the-steps-in-recovery/) **Working the Steps Promotes Essential Values It has been said that each of the 12 Steps…
12 gifts of Recovery.
1. HOPE- We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has…