I think that the type of feelings that I have been feeling lately could be similar to the ones that people have when they are experiencing “Empty-Nest Syndrome”.
(is that a real thing–an actual syndrome? )
Hmm. I might Google that later.
(Sidenote: If “selfie” has been officially added to our American dictionary, it’s safe to assume that the empty nest thing is something your insurance will cover.)
I have been working pretty hard (after hours) to job search- and prepare my resume.
Do I even have a resume? Not really. Housewife and mommy has created quite the time gap.
I have a few state certification tests to take over the Spring/Summer months, and I finally almost done with my school…..
and think I have finally, (finally) absorbed the crazy notion that both of my children
(who I won’t publicly call ‘babies’)
will be in school next year, and mommy is going to to work an official outside j.o.b.
What is happening to my life?
Roughly 5 years ago, when my husband and I had our first discussion about me quitting my job and staying at home– it was scary, but it was what we really wanted…. it is what I really wanted. It was something that meant a lot to me as a mommy, but also as a woman in recovery who had already missed so much life.
In theory, it would be easy.
But it was a huge life change. Huge.
A huge but perfect life change for our little family.
Being a stay at home mommy has been a gift to me.
Through this one, huge, life- altering decision, I learned so much about my husband’s character as a man, as my partner, as a ‘daddy’ and as a human.
I was met with an overwhelming, supremely supportive response to this change in dynamic from family and friends, and it has grown over the years.
I have had the honor of loving on my kids-all day every day.
I have been able to be here to take wayyyy too many pictures, and document everything.
(I didn’t say organize, I said document)
I am here and I have taken it all in.
I am happily sober -so I can remember it ALL.
(which is pretty nice bonus.)
I know that not all mommies can be home, I know that not all mom’s want to be home, and I know and respect that not all who are home, want to be home.
As a former single working mommy- I did not have this option open to me. I have worked two jobs, night jobs, bar jobs, just to hustle to pay the bills. I so empathize with those of you who truly
(single or not) aren’t getting to live out what you really want to do.
That is just another reason why this experience was so amazing.
I wanted to have the chance to be here at home, and my husband and I were able to work it out.
Yes there were things we chose to live without, but we have made it work.
This experience has affected me as a woman in so many ways.
I learned things about my own capabilities, likes, dislikes, my passions, my limits, strengths, weaknesses and talents that I may not have otherwise discovered.
I feel like I am like a 5- foot- tall Swiss army knife/ninja, multi-tasking wizard of sorts; completely flexible, not afraid to get dirty and feel confident entering in this workforce thing.
(Hmmm. I wonder if I can put that on my resume?)
I really cannot describe how much this experience has changed my heart and how much it means to me.
I have tried to teach myself to pick the good out from the uncomfortable.
To view change as opportunity and to use the unknown or the uncomfortable as a chance to learn to trust God and the to trust the process more and more each time life throws inevitable life transitions my way.
Things happen- we either adjust or we don’t.
Seasons in life come and go anyway, regardless of how ready or resistant we are- it’s happening.
So I am going to take this change.
Although initially, I was shocked, in disbelief and felt a little bit sad-
I am a also rational person.
There is nothing that I can do to halt the age progression of my children.
I have gone back to school for a reason and the only thing left for me to do at this point, is to remind myself that my #1 job is to bring glory to God-and I can do that right now by trusting him through this life change.
My husband and my children will still remain my top priorities.
My blog and ministry are still going to be a close 4th –and my new job title, whatever that ends up being –will mesh into my priorities somehow.
It is going to be alright.
I am willing to bet (or not -I might have a touch of an issue with control, and betting is not my friend) but I can say with confidence that it is probable that
there is something brewing that I am not aware of yet.
Great things will happen this year, and I will be amazed (yet again) at how things work out when you trust God –and trust that the progression of life and it’s process of change.
Transitions are perfectly normal, and healthy. Scary, but okay.
Someday, I will be able to look back and see the blessings poured out all over all of this change- the same ‘change’ that I am so excited and justifiably terrified about.
So I guess if you learn anything from this post- and my blabbering
it could be that life throws us things.
We have to learn what to do with them – because it happens and it isn’t going to stop.
Change happens. Transitions come upon us.
We have to make decisions. Remain grateful that you have life- that you have a daily source of strength, love and everything else through your relationship with the Lord- that will never run out….. and hold on for the ride.
It can either be miserable or exciting.
That part is up to you and your brain. 🙂
Update: After working hard on my new resume and applying for different jobs-we found out that we were having baby #3. Oh’ life. Thankful I have a sense of humor.