Category: Adult Children of Addicted People

Sobriety Doesn’t Always Feel Good, But it Always Feels Right.

I had coffee with my mom this week at my house, in my kitchen. I fed her and we talked for a couple of informative, surprisingly uneventful hours. She says that her case worker and counselor are two of the most friendly, knowledgeable, and responsive that she has ever had. (Praise the Lord for that). …

Perfectionism In Disguise

After I finished the last chapter of the first draft of my book, Tales of a Trauma Queen-Saved By Grace, I sat back in my chair and thought, “God my life used to suck.” I say that knowing how much better this thing has become. I say that, having an understanding of the significance of …

How I Learned to Stop Living Crisis to Crisis

If I were re-writing and tailoring the first half of the classic Serenity Prayer to speak to my former-self and the way I lived my former-life, it would go something like this: Brittany, c’mon already and grant yourself some strength,  to desperately avoid the things you cannot change;  courage to continuously hide from the things …

As a COA, Can I Honor My Parent?

As a COA, Can I Honor My Parent?

Traditionally I write tributes to all of my surrogate “moms” for Mother’s Day, thanking the countless women who have impacted my life by sharing their stories, wisdom, tips, tricks, secrets, encouragement, and advice, helping me to fill in what has felt like an excessive amount of domestic and relational inadequacies. Or, I write about my …

What Recovery Taught Me About Accepting Love After Experiencing Trauma

It’s almost Valentine’s Day. Let’s talk about love…. A few years ago I believed that drugs and alcohol were the culprit behind my inability to accept love from other people. My philosophy? It was because of my addiction(s) that I had let toxic shame overcome all what was left of me, and that is why …

No Thank-You, Anxiety

  Ten years ago I think if you would have asked me, I would have told you that I believed that I was an outgoing, people-oriented person. Never-mind the fact that it only took three or four various types of Benzo’s carefully carelessly mixed with any amount of cheap alcohol to render my central nervous system …

Don’t Give Up

Don’t Give Up

Music speaks to me in a unique way and I loved this song the very first time I heard it on the radio a few weeks ago. Today is first time I have had a chance to watch the ‘official’ video for this song. I sat this morning with tears streaming down my face as …

When You Finally See That Everything Is Not Fine

Generational addiction is complex and ugly. While it isn’t a hopeless thing to come back from, it is impossible to mend relationships if no one is willing to take a look at the truth, especially if you are talking about unraveling years and years of effects of trauma, abuse, codependency, enabling, addiction, and mismanaged mental-illness. …

I Am The Child Of An Addict & I Am A Former Stigma Supporter

If anyone understands what the ramifications of guilt and shame associated with the relentless, ignorant, shaming of another human being feels like, it would be me. Guilty. I was twenty-five before I realized that maybe, maybe my mom wasn’t actually just a batshit crazy woman, doomed to forever be an infuriating, selfish person. Seriously. I …

I Couldn’t Open the Door.

The day after Mother’s Day I heard a knock at my front door. And then almost immediately, my door bell rang. I quietly stepped to the front window and peeked out and I heard the doorbell again. When I looked out, I could see my mom standing on the porch. I stood there peeking through the …

A Grateful Mother’s Day

I have taken advantage of the opportunities to learn from my addiction and my former debilitating lifestyle in all its glory; the one that deadened and demanded it have my whole person, but mostly, forcefully snatched my desire or ability to focus on or experience anything that I would perceive as good. Being an unhealthy person …

Trauma: Keep the Envelope.

I got a package in the mail yesterday from a distant relative. It was such a thoughtful and kind gesture, and I really appreciate them taking the time to send it to me. Before I opened the package, I re-read the facebook message I had received that sweetly encouraged me to enjoy the photos, and …

The Twelve Steps for Adult Children- From Addicted and Other Dysfunctional Families:

So I love scanning the bookshelves at thrift stores, you never know what you will end up finding. Last week I came across this gem and splurged. I thought it might be worth .50 cents. Yes, it’s old. Yes the revised & updated edition was published back in 1989; but I thought it couldn’t hurt to …

Reflections From a Visit with Mom:

I had lunch with my mom on Thursday, October 15, 2015. We had only really seen each other a handful of times since our last big hoorah in March of 2006- and on that particular St. Patrick’s day we both ended up in adjacent jail cells. Fast-forwarding to our next big hoorah, that happened on February …

Adult Child of an Addict. My Top 3 Traits:

I said let’s do this thing, so here we go. Here are the basics. Children who live with people who are addicts or alcoholics typically experience various amounts of some, or all, of these types of dysfunction: violence inconsistencies (in all areas) neglect unclear boundaries/roles physical/sexual/emotional abuse These things change us. As children, we see, feel, …

ACA: Support Groups

So they’re a thing. I had no idea. I found a this website called Adult Children of Alcoholics. It is another 12-step program and operates like every other group meeting-setup, but this one is specifically designed for men and women who grew up in dysfunctional homes. “The ACA program was founded on the belief that …

Peeling Back The Layers. #ACA

This is not about me taking off yet another mask or coming out of hiding. This is all continuing to accept, embrace, and understand the raw and very real core of what makes certain parts of the real me…me. The first  3 or 4 years of my Recovery were definitely an exclusive journey of self- discovery. …

Happy Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day. It seems like no matter who you talk to, everyone is either happily & thankfully celebrating, silently grieving, or a little bit of both. For me, it may be a little bit of both, but mostly I focus on thankfully celebrating the gift of motherhood. Of course on one hand, I grieve for …

Addiction Destroys Families.

Yes addiction destroys families. It destroys all of nouns in its path if they are within reach. It’s hostages are usually people, but relationships, mental health, physical health, emotional health, a person’s business, someone’s career, overall stability, and wellness are almost always banged up too. You name it. If it’s in the way, it either …

Ignoring My Boundaries.

Last month I was literally chased out of my grandmother’s funeral. Technically, I was ran out of a ‘celebration of life.’ I think that this could have been avoided if the genius who planned it chose a beautiful, historical location that meant something to our family, WITHOUT the open -bar that was posted up alongside …

A glimpse of —her.

This is a picture of my mother and I. This short visit happened on April 13, 2013. It has taken a lot of learning to trust in God’s word and personal growth on my part to be able to say that I am truly grateful for her, and genuinely happy that she has thought about …

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