Freedom should never EVER be synonymous with lack of work, or lack of intentional maneuvering though life.
I am free.
Freedom for me, came when I came to believe that a power greater than myself, could restore my life and sanity. I was introduced to Jesus at a 12-step meeting, at a Christ centered program. From that point, in 2007, He has not only released my sin and wiped my slate clean, but has also provided healing; healing for all facets of my life and all areas of my being.
My mind is not constricted anymore or tightly wound around self-perpetuating lies, endless shame or reminders of trauma or other negative memories.
My heart is no longer chained down, heavily saturated in hate, guilt and anger.
My body is free, no longer bearing the grunt of abuse and torture, though scarred- actively healing every day, moving and nursing itself back to a positive state of being.
My spirit has a home. I am connected with God and do my best
(though colossally failing regularly) to follow him on the daily.
My spirit is not lost, or controlled by this need to roam;
repetitively seeking, trying, filling, refilling.
My spirit is resting, in this freedom.
My soul. It is free. I am free to be me, live a life embracing this journey here on earth. I am able to face myself in the mirror without shame, with a smile that surfaces from thankfulness and humility. I know where I will go when I die, I am going to live on, because He lives.
That, enables my soul to feel a sense of rest and peace, allowing me to embrace this life full throttle, head on and with .………intention.
Yes. Living in freedom feels good.
(Damn good, like song worthy, scream at the top of your lungs with grateful and enthusiastic, deep down, stomach wrenching Joy worthy kind of good.)
For me, my life has been reconstructed; not just revamped, but systematically demolished by my own doing -and rebuilt by His grace.
I have to remind myself that to live in Freedom does not necessarily mean that I live without intent or direction.
I enjoy this freedom and am humbled that I have been provided an opportunity to live this life in a new way.
My snapped chains are in the trash.
But if we don’t live in Freedom with intention, is it all for not?
There must be some structure to live a life that gives something back for other people.
and I’ll tell ya right now, Recovery from anything will not continue, grow, progress or flourish………………………… by accident.
Just like a beautifully constructed but later abandoned building:
without maintenance, upkeep, attention, and insightful, in-depth overseeing and intent——
It withers, rots, crumbles, loses its structural integrity and eventually it
is unable to stand any longer.
As strong, sturdy or beautiful as it may have been at some point, and regardless of what it could have been—--it succumbs to neglect and it falls to the ground.
Think of the famous Titanic scene.
Jack and Rose at the bow of the large and grand ship.
In love, feeling good and are embracing a fleeting moment.
They feel FREE.
Rose, arms outstretched. Both deeply breathing in the fresh sea air, so in love with the newness of this wicked and exciting attraction. It feels so good.
Rose literally feels like ‘she’s flying’.
Rose, darling, you have no idea what is going to happen next!! (because your…….)
………………..EYES ARE CLOSED.
That is freedom, but careless freedom. It feels nice, but you can’t see anything coming.
You enjoy the newness and the feeling of not being bound by societal standard or expectations, but you end up looking like an ass, hurting people, making careless mistakes and in the end, someone freezes to death.
Freedom in Recovery and freedom in Christ is more like…….. skydiving.
You are gettin’ crazy! Letting loose, and trying something new! Whoohoo!
You take classes and find instructors who know more than you do to help you navigate this new journey you are about to embark on.
You trust them and feel comfortable with their knowledge level and intent.
You suit up – with the right gear.
Then, you jump. You scream and yell, and enjoy literally leaping out into the abyss -without knowing what is coming next. You heard a lot about what it would be like, you’ve heard the good and the bad, you have made a decision- the one that is right for you. You prepared for this wild journey and can’t wait to see what it looks like as you experience it for yourself.
My point is this:
For most of us in Recovery, what got us in trouble in the first place is lack of intent.
I can tell you for sure that I had no intention on becoming a drug-addict or dropping out of school. I did not plan on getting kicked out of my house, moving into my boyfriends basement or having a baby as a teen. I did not plan to steal, go to jail or lose my license. I did not plan on, dream of or intend to do or become any of these things.
They happened because I made choices and decisions that felt good.
They felt good at the time, and required no plan, no thinking and no logic.
I did not have a set standard of living and truly craved feeling like I was free. No worries, no restrictions.
Recovery requires thought, logic, preparation and planning.
We have to be aware of surroundings, medications, and environment.
We have goals and expectations for ourselves, and we strive to progress.
This happens because we are taught to have and maintain clear intentions and expectations for ourselves in Recovery.
At the same time, we are experiencing that freedom that we so craved while using. Our lack of intent may have gotten us into our initial trouble, but when dependency reared its ugly face and took over, there went that beautiful feeling of freedom and we then became prisoners.
Prisoners of our yearning to feel free from ________.
(insert pain, trauma, self-hate, etc. here)
So I am just saying, living in the freedom that Recovery offers, and that a relationship with Jesus offers to our being….
Requires some intent. requires action and planning- but this doesn’t change the most beautiful part about it – it is free , and available to EVERYONE seeking freedom.
This freedom remains and can be felt regardless of the need to have a tentative plan at the very least.
There is a freedom that comes with Recovery,
but with freedom, comes responsibility.
LIVE IN FREEDOM, WITH INTENT.
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