Dis·cov·er

1. To find (something or someone) unexpectedly or in the course of a search.

Childhood Trauma changed things for me.

My experiences shattered everything that was supposed to be mine to own; my spirit, my emotional wellness, my own sense of security, and any ability or desire to connect with myself or other people.

As I grew into my own skin, I became more and more aware of how much I didn’t know about myself. It became easier for me to see and to feel how displaced I felt trying to fit seamlessly into societal norms without feeling overtly awkward and broken. My ways of coping weren’t healthy and neither were any of my relationships.

After years of self-destruction, I tried a new path. I never expected to find anything worth keeping within the cracks of my story, but as I dug through my past I discovered something. Hidden deep inside my baggage, under the weight of the toxic memories, and beneath all of the ugly places that I hid from and had long-since buried.

There it was. Beauty. 
Things that made me- me.
Qualities and lessons that I didn’t need to hide or be afraid of.

I have learned that it is okay to say out-loud, and without embarrassment that I come from a whole family of people who have all struggled with psychological disorders and drug-addiction. I don’t have to be ashamed to admit that anymore and I don’t have to walk around like I am not a worthy individual.

It actually takes a fair amount of courage to own our stories, and as much as doing so benefits others and paves the way for more to come out of hiding, the  strength and courage and support we will find in speaking up and reaching out will be a game changer for us.

I have finally shed the labels that society injected into my spirit.
I have left the old ideas of who I am behind me, and have embraced who God created me to be.

And not in spite of my experiences, but because of them.

There is so much Beauty in what God can do with a desperate cry for help, even from a person like me. I was only seeking freedom from a life of unfortunate circumstances, unbearable pain, purposeful self-destruction, and hopelessness.

I got my freedom and then some.

 

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