When I saw this picture, I literally laughed out loud- hard.
I so identify with this and it is hilarious to me.
I have spent a long time learning. I am a new person and I have changed my habits, thoughts, and environment. I have goals and have new standards, morals and ethical values.
No matter how many years that pass.
No matter how many days I am sober.
No matter how much I dive into my new identity.
No matter how how far I am from that old me.
No matter how focused my thoughts and life are on Jesus and His will for my life.
No matter how hard I could try to describe to you, how much my heart and life has changed-
No matter how much time I spend loving my family, my friends or my passions-
It is there.
and it is still waiting.
That is just the truth.
(Two of many possible examples that I have experienced over the last 7 years)
I had a Cesarean section 5 years ago, 2 years into my Recovery.
I had my nurses scratching their heads and collaborating with one another. How in the hell do they sedate & numb me?
After almost ten minutes into this emergency situation, they were asking me how in the world I can still feel the needle point? (as they lightly poked me repeatedly)
I don’t know I said.
I am not a doctor, and certainly no scientist for Gosh sakes, just give me more.
Or this. (given I don’t have anything non-drowsy readily available)
To date, I will take 1 or 2 Benadryl on a high pollen count afternoon-in much needed situations, and will spend the remainder of that day- fighting my own brain away from the hall closet.
It is the damndest thing.
The same goes for any sleep medication, NyQuill, Pm anything.
What would you call that?
*Is that ‘moral failure’ on my part?
*I bet you think I have just not given it ALL to God.
*Maybe you think that deep down I have not really sorted through all of my addiction and so, it must be lingering.
*I just haven’t worked hard enough….
*Or wait! I could just be trying to push the responsibility away from myself so I don’t have to be accountable…
*No no. It is because I am choosing to think that way, and so- have inadvertently created this scenario.
*Maybe- there is an underlying scientific/cognitive/psychological reason.
*Maybe, I am not just some loser human who cannot get it right.
*Maybe, I have worked really, really hard and this —thing- isn’t going away.
*Maybe, I will always have an active Recovery.
*Maybe I will always reach out and give back to keep busy and try to encourage and help others.
*Maybe there is more to it than some people are willing to accept.
*Maybe I will always have to stay on my toes.
*Maybe, all that I am sure of, is what I have personally experienced and that is why I advocate for the disease, and biopsychosocial model.
I am not a scientist or an expert in the field (yet!)
I am just sharing my truth, from my perspective and pairing it with the information that I have sought, studied and learned.
I don’t know why some people are seemingly ‘cured’.
Some never get through detox. Some never make it to treatment.
Some struggle through recovery going back and forth.
I don’t have definitive answers, only loose theories.
I just wish that more people would be willing to arm themselves with factual information.
I wish more people could at least try to gain insight into certain things that they might not understand
before bashing them, categorizing them, damning them to hell, questioning their faith or closeness with God, assuming that they must be morally corrupt on some level, squishing them into some AA, NA or 12-step box or dehumanizing their existence based on personal opinion and perception.
My addition is not cured. I am only LIVING in Recovery and working my butt off to break the stigma.
Be nice to people.
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