I’ve been struggling a lot lately in this season of life.
And I found myself laying in bed last night, scrolling with my phone in front of my face- searching the internet for answers that I’m not going to find on the internet.
The thing is, is often, I know the answers to the questions that I have. (Like where I should be looking for the answers to the particular questions I was looking for).
And lately I’ve been meditating on the fruits of the spirit.
Wondering, “How do I develop these more into my life?”
And not so other people will notice and say, “Hey look at her, she’s abounding in all of these great things and attributes and characteristics!”
But so that I can better cope with this season of life.
I feel like the fruits of the spirit are gifts to us; rewards for living spirit led lives, on fire and hungry for Jesus.
And for me I already knew.
I wondered and questioned why I was wasting my time reading random blog posts online pertaining to how to develop fruits of the spirit.
I was reading the wrong thing.
I knew that this morning as I opened my Bible, and turned to the book of Galatians.
I sat at my desk And I read Galatians 1-5 out loud.
I paused, and I asked myself questions about each passage.
I took my time to take it in, to understand what Paul was trying to say and who Paul was talking to.
What that meant for those people at that time and what that might mean for someone like me- compulsively scouring the internet to try to figure out how to develop or to become stronger in these areas.
Because I know that these are the things that I need and the tools that I can utilize when I am pressed on all sides.
I will not be crushed.
Put my answers weren’t found on any blog.
They didn’t pop up in a search.
The more I read, the more it became glaringly clear that my answers will come if I seek the right outlet.
And I did get answers this morning.
And I found the clarification and prompting and that I had been searching for.
So this post isn’t necessarily about what a terrible Christian I am, It’s mostly about my reluctance in some areas of my life to do the really hard things.
When I know, evidence by my recovery thus far, that that is where it’s at.
That is where it’s always at.
The growth comes from doing the hard things and doing them consistently.
Doing them with faith and a belief that God will always come through if we are living lives that seek Him, and His face, and His ways and His word FIRST.
And the best part is — I know that He knows every fiber of my being inside and out. That I am still loved even if I’m a slow learner, a stubborn student or often, a reluctant child.
Praise Jesus for continued Grace.