Life in the Bottle, written by Jeremiah Kirmse
(7-11-2018, shared with permission)
I love to be drunk but I don’t drink all the time, I am sitting in jail writing this rhyme.
Popping the bottle, drinking has put me through hell, I love back on my life as I sit in this cell.
I destroy relationships. I have lost all trust. I have to stop, I am going to die quitting if I must.
All warm and tingly, I am starting to shake so I pop open a bottle, another drink I will take.
Duece after duece I pop the top, despite heart attacks? Fuck, man I feel like death and I know I have to stop.
My paycheck is gone, spent on the drink, I have lost my shit, my life has started to sink.
I keep spiraling down, my life is starting to turn,
psych wards, jails, rehabs, prisons, I don’t seem to learn.
One-hundred-twenty miles per hour as I hit the pole,
Fuck my life, thank God, I didn’t take another soul.
Counseling, treatment, parole, and probation,
sitting in the back seat cuffed as usual, on my way to another station.
Homelessness. Meetings. Pain. Prison’s and jail, all I want is to be clean and sober- I don’t have time to fail.
I think I am done with the drink, finally. At last.
I am ready to be sober and put this shit in the past.
I am ready to stop. I want to quit. My mind, my body, I am exhausted from this shit.
Clean and sober I want to stay, sharp as a tack, alive, I am taking what’s mine, back.
Crystal Meth Had Me, written by Jeremiah Kirmse
(7-10-2018 shared with permission)
I destroy homes and I tear families apart, I’ll kill your son and your daughter, that’s just a start.
I’ll rob you of your life, your truth, even your hopes, and dreams,
Your life and your homes, raided by SWAT teams.
Sweating, shaking, heart beating, blood pressure high,
I put a cold rag on my head, check my pulse and talk to the sky.
I put my hands together and ask the Lord, Please don’t let me die.
My life has fallen to fucking pieces and I know why,
I’m homeless and high, running around downtown, to everyone else I am looking like a fucking clown.
My friends, all getting 1, 3, 5,7, 11 while I am out making quick money, gettin’ high, doing 187s.
Banging hot rails, last week this shit killed my wife, this shit is fucking horrible, it’s wrecking my life. She was sexy, sweet, loyal and nice, I wanted a life with her and her kids; a home, ready to sacrifice.
She was the love of my life, Beth, but I am going through all of this shit because I am high on meth.
Death, sorrow, sadness. I am sick of it all.
Once I pick up the dope pipe. That’s it, I fail. Death and pain, I am sick of this shit. I am tired of fucking around. I am ready to get it together. Sadness, pain, the regret- I brush it off, I am light as a feather.
Going through this for a dope sack. Had me on the streets for a while, but I am not going back.
Written last month by my little brother, Jeremiah.
I am really proud of how far he has come, and the courage it has taken to agree to share his feelings out loud. Please pray for him, that as he navigates this new phase of his journey, that he not quit when he feels judged, discouraged, tired, or full of fear of the unknown that inevitably lies ahead. We all know and understand how tumultuous recovery feels, especially in the early months and years. As his big sister, after watching him struggle through prison, homelessness, drug addiction, and so much loss as he tries his hardest to reintegrate himself into the world after he stands up yet again, I felt so much relief hearing these words for the first time this weekend. I listened as he spoke through the pain and could feel the anguish in his voice as he read these two poems aloud. I empathized with him and I could see his desperation. After fifteen years or so of spiraling, he sounds like he has come into a new and different head space, finally, ready to voluntarily and consciously seek change.
But as we hope and continue to see this as a step in a positive direction, we know there will be setbacks and battles within this war. So please please please consider joining me in prayer as he begins his endeavor. My heart aches for him, but at the same time, I am overwhelmed with thankfulness. It’s not over until it’s over- it’s not too late for this guy!
