***On hitting his own breaking point:
After the time that you took too many pills on a random weekday afternoon, you collapsed in the post office. I got a call and came up to the hospital. This was about the time that we had a big blowout fight and I asked you to leave.
This was my bottom- I think. I had been through a lot myself that year and I just didn’t think I could do it anymore. I told you to get help or gtfo.
I remember that day, you talked to my mom and we all told you that we would have your back and would help you get through whatever happened next if you would just agree to get help.
And you did.
***Changes taking place in the relationship:
At this point we are well over a year into our relationship.
At home- things were different because I had to choose between making you happy and doing what was best for you as a person.
***How did things change?
Well listen. I loved you and knew that I could not allow you to use at all. I would ask you for specifics. When were you coming home? Exactly what time?
I wanted to see your eyes a lot, in the light. Lol. I also looked through our phone bill each month and kept an eye on things more than I normally did.
This annoyed you——that would be an understatement.
This pissed you off so much sometimes.
I think you were frustrated that I was being so ‘nosey’ or ‘father-like’ and I thought I was being caring and watching out for you.
I felt bad sometimes but it was more important to me that you were safe, not going to drug houses and not spending money on things that you didn’t need.
I knew that someday it would pay off- even if sometimes, you wanted to gouge my eyeballs out. I felt like I could see the greater picture and I understood that your annoyance was only temporary. I wasn’t controlling you but I was definitely not going to enable you in ANY WAY.
I never gave you cash. You did not have access to the bank account. I knew where the money was coming from and where it was going. It drove you crazy for a long time.
But I did not trust you.
It took me a long time for me to even consider that……
No matter how angry, annoyed or defensive that you got, I just tried to ignore it.
I never responded or did my best not to take it personally. It hurt sometimes, but I knew that you needed someone to help you and stay strong.
We had our tough moments, but I never quit on you……