My Cancelled Plans.

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This photo should say –
“Hey Brittany, your plans never work out-
because God has better ones.”

Guys.

I have been going to school for awhile now. Completely cramming and studying addiction and psychology.

For the last year of classes, I have been mentally preparing myself for a new beginning.

I have been excitedly & nervously planning to go back to work this Fall
when both of my children will be in school.

I was sort of thinking something like this:

Plan A:
Begin my search.
Hunt for a job in my city or close surrounding cities. Search keywords and titles with the words substance abuse counselor, mental health technicians, case manager, intake coordinator.
Narrow the search to any types of employment that allow me to be here in the morning before school, after school, evenings, weekends, and preferably, summers too.

Abandon this plan because this job doesn’t exist.

But keep searching anyway in your ‘spare’ time just in case someone wants to hire someone who has never worked for them, but who is treated like they have seniority to dictate their own schedule to fit their personal family needs.

Plan B: 
Apply to be a para (assistant teacher) even though it is not your cup of tea, and not in the field that you paid money to learn about, but the schedule works. Pay more money to take the para certification test in Missouri, and start applying with local school districts close to where we live.
Perfect. Redo your resume to make it sound like you have always dreamed of working with school aged children that aren’t yours.

Plan C:
Start to feel sick. Take Dayquil and lots of daytime meds to make it through the day.
No matter how many times you throw up, keep going.
Stick to plans A & B anyway.

Don’t forget that you and the hubs have been trying for a long time for a baby, that you didn’t think would ever have the chance to have, because conception is a really hard thing for you two.
Keep job searching. Ignore the urge to rush out and buy more sticks to pee on.

Remind self that I should not be wasting job hunting time doing that!
Rush out and buy one from the Dollar Tree anyway.

Take it at home right before the buses come that afternoon.

Leave it in the closet in the bathroom and completely forget about it for a few hours, and then, abruptly run to the closet doors, pick the stick up and nonchalantly toss it in the trash.

Take it back out because the TWO PINK LINES were clearly visible without holding it up to a florescent light or taking a photo of it and editing it using a negative filter.

The lines were there.
Plan C wins? 

Wait.
I didn’t have a plan C.
Which means, I never really had any plan to begin with.

God has blessed our family with a new life and I didn’t see plan C coming.

At this point, I am focused on getting through first trimester sickness and exhaustion.
We are at eight weeks two days now!

I am overjoyed, grateful, and excited- and anxiously awaiting my first doctor appointment.
Working from home in some capacity is likely going to be what my plan C looks like, maybe.
And maybe not.

I might be done planning for now.

Here’s where the ability to roll with waves, punches and change comes in quite handy.

Yay for skills that I learned in Recovery. This life is beautiful and I really mean that.

That is what life is really full of.
Winding changes and unexpected things.
Sometimes good, sometimes not so great.

We weren’t meant to always be happy, and certainly not to always be sad or disappointed.
It is all a mixture of feelings, events and occasions.

And like one of my favorite quotes reminds me:

“The only thing we can really control is how you react to things out of your control.” 

We just have to learn how to cope and access what is and is not in our control.

Change can be scary, but it is certainly not always bad.

Tell me how you're feeling.

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