Category: CoDepend/Boundaries

Stop The Need To Control Before It Starts

  I have a slightly sarcastic teenager living in my house and I use the term slightly, sarcastically. He goes through phases of embracing different words and phrases that he and his friends consider to be funny. A few months back, it was Y.P. and M.P. For example, if I said to him, “Yo there …

Sobriety Doesn’t Always Feel Good, But it Always Feels Right.

I had coffee with my mom this week at my house, in my kitchen. I fed her and we talked for a couple of informative, surprisingly uneventful hours. She says that her case worker and counselor are two of the most friendly, knowledgeable, and responsive that she has ever had. (Praise the Lord for that). …

Why To Consider Ending a Friendship

I wouldn’t say that forming new friendships post-sobriety has been easy, but the ones that I have developed are the most rich I have ever experienced. Recovery has proven over and over again to offer a multitude of exceptional promises, ironically these promises are delivered only after we let go of the assumptions, the control …

How I Learned to Stop Living Crisis to Crisis

If I were re-writing and tailoring the first half of the classic Serenity Prayer to speak to my former-self and the way I lived my former-life, it would go something like this: Brittany, c’mon already and grant yourself some strength,  to desperately avoid the things you cannot change;  courage to continuously hide from the things …

When You Finally See That Everything Is Not Fine

Generational addiction is complex and ugly. While it isn’t a hopeless thing to come back from, it is impossible to mend relationships if no one is willing to take a look at the truth, especially if you are talking about unraveling years and years of effects of trauma, abuse, codependency, enabling, addiction, and mismanaged mental-illness. …

Why I Keep My Boundaries and Why We Can’t Be Friends

Something I have learned through my experiences with my family and their ongoing addictions and my own struggles with addiction and substance abuse is when it comes to implementing and honoring boundaries…. All of it resides in a beautiful, flexible, gray area. And this area is meant to provide a safe place but things there …

I Couldn’t Open the Door.

The day after Mother’s Day I heard a knock at my front door. And then almost immediately, my door bell rang. I quietly stepped to the front window and peeked out and I heard the doorbell again. When I looked out, I could see my mom standing on the porch. I stood there peeking through the …

Amends & Unexpected Blessings.

When my grandma passed away it hit me hard. From the time I was a little girl she was my bestie. My one constant. My rock. But as I got older our relationship changed. Slowly it became less and less about our inside jokes, the back and forth, the one liners, laughing until we both …

Alcohol, I’m Aware.

Late at night, when all is calm, and our house is taking a rest, I see your face in my mind. My heart aches for who you might be, or who I know that you are, hidden underneath all of your scars, and beneath the pain that you carry on your shoulders. You would hate …

5 Common Roadblocks in Recovery

You know that saying “Nothing worth having comes easy?” When it comes to being a newly sober person this couldn’t be more true. A person who is has become chemically dependent on a substance has a tough road ahead when it comes to long-term sobriety. They will need a strong support system behind them. Here are …

Tis’ the Season to Al-Anon.

I really enjoy having the freedom to put my thoughts -well, somewhere; writing is like my personal therapy. My brain, even though I am sure on a scan it would be lit up all funky, blotchy, and likely considered ‘dysfunctional’… is somehow still full of ideas and deep things that always seem to be circulating …

Reflections From a Visit with Mom:

I had lunch with my mom on Thursday, October 15, 2015. We had only really seen each other a handful of times since our last big hoorah in March of 2006- and on that particular St. Patrick’s day we both ended up in adjacent jail cells. Fast-forwarding to our next big hoorah, that happened on February …

4 Harsh Truths.

Let’s start with I love you. I am not angry at you. I forgive you, and one day, I hope that you embrace your own Recovery and begin living that life that you were made to live. Moving on.. I am an ethical human and believe that ethics are standards by which ALL people who …

I Can See You.

*How you see you:  You see failure. You see right through yourself. You feel angry when you see what you have become. Shame consumes you, blinding you from seeing hope for any kind of change. You see how far you have fallen. You see all of the destruction you have created. You can’t see your …

Thanks, Al-Anon.

You hold onto hope, because that is what you do when you love someone. Instead of screaming- “that’s where people like that should be”  … we are imagining all of the places that they have the potential and talent to be one day. We don’t see the awkward, tired, malnourished human who has made countless …

Finally. All Alone At The Bottom.

When no one came to my rescue, I found myself alone. All alone in my self-created pit, that I called my deepest rock bottom. I really hated being alone. Feelings of loneliness seemed to be one of the only feelings that I allow myself to feel. Despite the fact that I always felt alone in a room full …

When No One Showed Up At The Bottom

  I hit more than one bottom before making the decision to try Recovery. My body felt like I hit thousands of times but realistically, hundreds is probably more accurate. I really couldn’t tell you what a dozen of my ‘rock bottoms’ looked like and that’s because I was never down there long enough to have …

The Shame Card.

  Words. They are powerful. They have the power to help the healing process and they can hold enough power to destroy someone. In the past using words as weapons to cut people down and stomp all over them was how I would react when I was angry or frustrated. It was my defense and it was …

Bystanders.

After writing my open letter to my family members, I saw a photo posted by someone who lost their loved one too soon to drug addiction. I immediately teared up. These emotions are so raw and real. Family members literally watch their loved ones slip away, day by day, very slowly. They aren’t dead but …

An open letter.

I am in need of this reminder this week, so today I am going to refresh my memory as to why good, strong boundaries are so important in relationships with addicts. An open letter to the addicts in my life.  I love you both very much. I know that you don’t feel like I do …

12 Ways to Help Kill Your Addicted Loved One AND Lose Your Sanity

1. Every time you talk to them, be sure to remind them of how they are wasting their life away by making stupid & idiotic decisions that make no logical sense. Remind them that if they were not stupid, they would be able to see that. 2. Be sure to base how much they love …

10 Tips: For Friends & Family of Someone Struggling with an Addiction

These are just things that would have helped me when I was struggling.Here are 10 randomly concocted tips that I have come up with: 1. Express empathy for them, directly to them. 2. Avoid arguments with them whether they are sober or not. (this creates a high-emotion situation and doesn’t do anything besides creating an urgency to use …

Ignoring My Boundaries.

Last month I was literally chased out of my grandmother’s funeral. Technically, I was ran out of a ‘celebration of life.’ I think that this could have been avoided if the genius who planned it chose a beautiful, historical location that meant something to our family, WITHOUT the open -bar that was posted up alongside …

Bending The Boundaries

  Ya’ll this week has been a little bit tough. I think that when someone who you love struggles with addiction, chances are you struggle with codependency issues. This has been the kind of week that I really have to be on point. I know a lot of facts and formal knowledge about addiction, codependency, …

>
%d bloggers like this: