Recently, I read a post on Facebook that linked an article called
‘Lies Christian Women Will Believe to Justify Watching Fifty Shades of Grey.’
(Here is the link to that article, if you are interested:
I commented on that Facebook post:
“I have not read any of these books, I have still not watched Magic Mike, and don’t plan on watching Fifty Shades of Grey either. Not because I haven’t considered, but because my hubby is more than enough for me and my imagination, and I know I the same respect for me is reciprocated from him. We do have to be intentional about protecting our marriages.
Thanks for posting this!”
Whether you are a Jesus follower or not,
if you are married,
this topic should matter to you and you should be doing something intentional to protect your marriage.
After I posted my comment, my husband and I talked about this for a while,
and I wanted to share our take on it.
You see, the article focused on Biblical marriage only, or Christian women who are married etc.
But I am married to someone who is not a Christian, who does not go to church and who doesn’t personally identify as a follower of Jesus.
He does believe there is something more, but for all purposes of giving you a backdrop as to where he stands on ‘Biblical’ marriage…we will call him Agnostic. An adoring, loving, kind, caring, giving, considerate, hot, hilarious –agnostic. 😉
So in our ‘unequally yoked’ marriage, how do we address these kinds of issues?
For us, this is not a God centered issue, but is a respect and protect issue.
It is a very important one that we make sure to keep at the forefront of our marriage.
So we don’t address it much differently, really.
We believe that our marriage is between the two of us, that our intimacy is important and plays a huge role in keeping our relationship healthy. AKA, having a healthy sex life.
Much like you, I married my man because I want to give my all, everything- all of myself to him until we are done here on this earth. We have both committed to giving our best to one another, separating our relationship from all others.
This means that there are some things that are left alone.
Left for him and I only.
One of these things is ——–sex.
(To be clear sex and intimacy are two different things. I am addressing sex in this post, but in a marriage, they are very closely tied and connected together.)
Everyone has their own self-perceived definition of what they consider ‘cheating’.
For my husband and I, cheating is not a very complex issue.
It is pretty black and white.
Not any real ‘grey’ area that we can see.
This is definitely one area that in our opinion, motive is just as important as taking literal action.
Movies like Magic Mike and Fifty Shades really only have one real purpose for women.
To get you all crazy thirsty for the D.
These books and movies make bank off of people who like to lust, fantasize, and daydream about crazy sex- and allow themselves to be turned on like crazy in a movie theatre surrounded by all of their closest friends.
Until you go home and have sex with your husband, but you aren’t thinking of him.
(I guess I don’t really see the point in needing or wanting to be turned on by any other man besides the one who has my ring on his sexy as* finger..)
For me, I would never want my man to go to the club, pay for a few VIP dances and come home and give it to me.
I would never want him to get on his Twitter account and browse the “Hot girls daily”, “Best sex gifs” or “best ass pics” accounts and then hop into our bed.
As women and men, if we are being real ….we all have a respectful amount of default insecurity. Our safe place is knowing that we are completely, one-hundred percent, unconditionally ‘enough’ in all ways for our significant other.
Especially when we have children, busy schedules, not enough time in a given day, frazzled nerves, good days, rough ones, financial stress, and all of the other realities that come along with being a typical suburban grown-up with a spouse and a family-
our alone time together becomes very important.
We have to cherish exactly what WE have.
The bodies that WE have.
The little romantic things that WE do together the way that WE do them.
These things are unique to us and our marriage.
No one else has them.
No one else can give them to you.
No one aside from your man can provide you with what you need.
Allowing other variables in to fulfill needs meant to be met by our partner and our partner only, is only asking for trouble.
Watching these movies, reading these books, watching porn, going to strip clubs or viewing any of the numerous xxx accounts that are free and so easily accessible to both men and women …………
will leave us chasing, yearning and pining for more and more and more.
It will leave us feeling like what WE ALREADY HAVE RIGHT IN FRONT OF US, simply is cutting it. It is not exciting enough. Not hot enough. Not skinny enough. Not spontaneous enough…..
Simply……what our spouse has to offer to us, isn’t enough.
By giving into all of the temptation, what we are really saying is that these kinds of things supplement us and satisfy us in ways that may be temporary,
but they are more important to us than filling in those obvious gaps in real ways, in our real lives, to enrich our very real marriages that we have committed to.
On both sides, husbands and wives are very real, very impressionable humans –
who whether we admit it or not,
feel that we have to be lacking in some way if our partner gets that turned on by a book, gif, stripper, or movie.
So I just want to say, try not to give in.
These kinds of temptations are destroyers of true intimacy.
Whether you consider this ‘cheating’ or not, at the very least you risking putting your partner first, making them feel like the most beautiful thing on the planet, planting seeds of doubt in your loved one’s mind and heart, and pushing yourself that much closer to what you might consider ‘cheating’…..
Be mindful and protect your marriage.
There are more than enough obstacles as it is that cause marriages to begin to crumble.
Don’t let this be one of them.
Careful Thirsting friends.